New Years Resolutions

I don't normally do this, partly because I never really thought any sort of "resolve" that could result from a date on the calendar must be very weak indeed. However this time, I realize that I could definitely use a few changes in my life. Here's my non-exhaustive list:
1. Blog at least once or twice a week.
2. Keep to a schedule for my time.
3. Read Conference talks regularly, particularly from older years.
4. Get all my homework done and turned in early.
5. Straight A's (achieve a true mastery of the courses)
6. Play a lot less video games.
7. Write my book!
8. Win 5 scholarships this year.
9. Get a Youtube channel started.

Economic Freedom of North America: 2011

I think this report should be required reading for all people. especially if you live here in New Mexico. See the graph on the first page, and look for where you live. Where does your state stand?

Open publication - Free publishing

Mormanity: Mitt Romney and the Mormon Question

From Jeff Lindsay's Blog-- Mormanity - A Mormon Blog (But Not Just for Mormons): Mitt Romney and the Mormon Question:

'via Blog this'

I had a call from a significant journalist in the US who wanted to discuss my views on anti-Mormonism and Mitt Romney. I accepted the interview, hoping that somehow I might do more good than harm in spite of dealing with controversial topics and the unpredictability of the press. If any of you lose your souls because of anything I said, well, I hope it's because I was misquoted. In fact, let me go on record now to state that I categorically deny saying whatever it was I said. Hey, that was easy--maybe I should run for office, too?

Chances are that nothing I said will make it into print--I was just one of multiple sources being interviewed for a story on opposition to Mormonism sparked by the Romney campaign. The reporter raised some common issues: "Does Romney's religion and his religious values jeopardize his ability to serve in office? Will his religious values play a role in his political decisions? Can a President be loyal to America when they follow a Mormon prophet?"
I explained that these are aspects of broader issues that are not unique to Latter-day Saint politicians. Every individual has a set of values that influence how they see the world and how they act. Whether those values are based on some flavor of Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, atheism, etc., or mixtures thereof, every politician brings a set of values and beliefs to the table, partly expressed in words but also expressed in one's track record. How those values affect future decision making is a fair question for voters to consider in every case, not just for Mormons. For example, if voters oppose abortion, then they should support candidates who also oppose abortion. I didn't mention this second example, but here's another one to consider: if people want more racial diversity in a America, then they should select a politician whose political and/or religious values will lead him or her to oppose abortion, which eliminates a higher percentage of black children than white children.

My New Non-Profit

My girlfriend and I have decided to start a non-profit organization to help the homeless get through the winter. Details coming soon!

What is a Libertarian?

Now I have tried to address this question several times so far, and I intend on publishing a short essay more fully investigating what it really means to be a libertarian.  Until then, watch this video.  :)

"Practical" Solutions to the US Debt Situation

Ok so these are not really "practical", but they are funny.  The first 5 are originals.  Submit a joke or two of your own to: howamormonthinks@gmail.com.  The best will be published and updated here.  Also, please feel free to share this post and invite your friends to crack a joke or two!

1. Rent out the white house for parties, barmitzphahs, sweet sixteens.

I mean... How much would you pay?

2. Rent those cool-looking stealth bombers for Proms. (you'll be the talk of the town then, wouldn't you?)

3. Open up the real Area 51 for tours complete with guides, spaceships, bodies of little green (grey?) men along the way. Of course the big concern there is that we'd have to make sure that people don't claim a pieces of the alien as memoirs. That and people trying to "abduct" the spacecraft for personal use (ie. joyriding, etc).

4. I can personally pay back the national debt. Just put it on my credit card.

5. With the threat of global warming (or global cooling)(or is it climate change?) we need to be more aware and more disciplined in containing the human race's footprint on the environment.  So what's the solution you say? Why, we can outlaw methane emissions. Or wait, tax it. There you go, we'd have to attach machinery to every one's behinds to help to fully quantify the fair tax amount for each and every individual.
     That could be the only fair way to do it (as I see it) And speaking of every one's behinds, let's not forget the dogs. They seem to emit those lovely aromas as often as I am alone with them in a room with closed windows and doors.

General Conference!!!

The General Conference Center in Salt Lake City, Utah

Conference is about to begin!!!

In a few hours General Conference will begin, and the Spirit will be spilled upon it's listeners in it's fullness.  I am totally psyched for this years conference: as there are many new things in my life and in the world at large that have changed significantly from this past April.  Today and tomorrow, I look forward to hearing guidance from some of the strongest leaders and most spiritual disciples that I have ever had the privilege to listen to.  This weekend, hope chills me.  Faith fills me.  And love thrills me.

Please, if you are in need of guidance, inspiration, or answers: Tune in, read/view past Conferences, & stream this live General Conference as it is being broadcast via this link: http://lds.org/general-conference?lang=eng

Pray, read, learn and love.  May all out there have peace in their hearts, and share a Holy cause to guide us all.

I am about to embark on an amazing experience!  :)

The Heavens Are Still Open!

The Conference Center in Salt Lake City, UT
directly across the street from Temple Square

General Conference is coming up, and for those of you that are unfamiliar with LDS culture, it's a pretty big deal.  "The reason I say “big deal” is because, for Mormons at least, we believe that this is an opportunity for us to hear counsel from people whom we believe are influenced by, and often speaking on behalf of, God"(via Paul Robichaux on Wordpress).

What sets us apart, I think, is that we believe that the "heavens are still open" and that God still speaks to his people on the Earth just like he did in biblical times.

The 9th of our 13 Articles of Faith reads:

We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.

Just talking about it makes me happy. :)  As a matter of fact, I'm headed up to Salt Lake City to see them in person with my girlfriend and a few good friends this weekend.  I have a few days to prepare.

Speakers like Thomas S. Monson and Dieter F. Uchtdorf tend to inspire me to want to be a much better person.  I will definitely post my thoughts here about Conference after the weekend.

Gary Johnson: The Quip Heard Around the World (Well, Sorta)

Ok I'm gonna bite.  I just recently saw the most recent GOP Presidential debate, and I actually enjoyed it (parts of it anyway).  My candidate, Gary Johnson, was actually on the stage!!! *gasp*  Throughout the entire debate, the moderators tried to give as much fair time to each candidate to answer questions from Youtubers around the United States--However, Rick Perry and Mitt Romney's faces took up most of the screen for the night.  There were some good zingers, one-liners, and innovative ideas presented.  This lineup is by far much better representative of the Republican party than last election.  I think that there is a very good chance that the GOP will produce a winner this time around.

Anyways, for those of you that have not seen the debate yet, here is the full, nearly 2 hour debate:



For those that could care less about watching the whole thing, feel free to read this basic overview of the debate, with enough political jabs and enough gut laughs that could make someone as stiff and frumpy as the Queen of England smile.  (like this)

Letter to Kayla (2003)

     For those of you that don't know me, I first became converted to the church when I was 18.  A large portion of my conversion came through independent study of all sides of the argument, (including the sides that were not favorable towards the church).  So I am no stranger to Antis, their "arguments" and false arguments, and the hatred that is associated with it. That being said, you have a brief background of where this letter came from, and you have a basic understanding that this came from a very significant and important time in my life.

     The following is a letter that I wrote to Kayla, a young girl that I had never met before, except on a religious forum around the month of August or September 2003. On the thread, people were asking mormons seemingly innocent questions about the church at first, but it quickly turned into a lively debate between 3 or 4 anti-mormons and several regular mormons (including me).  I still remember some the things that they wrote about the church and it's teachings really shook me, and other members that had read the thread. I remember the casual member would occasionally come in, defend the church for a few posts, and then post something to the effect of, "wow, I never knew that about the church, I should really rethink my religious preference..."

Who is the "Captain of Thy Soul?"

These two poems juxtaposed next to each other was absolutely instrumental to my conversion to the church.  The first poem is a by a well known and celebrated poet and writer from the 19th century, the other is simply a member of the Quorum of the Twelve responding to the first, as he was apparently offended by it.  Both poems are powerful, but I myself see the second as truly beautiful & masterful.

What do you think?  Here they are:

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INVICTUS by William E Henley

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

for my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance,

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Life Without The Internet

As both of you who actually read this blog may have noticed (of course, that includes my girlfriend and my mother), I have been MIA online for the past few weeks. I promise you there is a great explanation for it. All I need now is to find a good way to spin it for you.

First of all to my Mother, I love you. I don't know where I would be without you. You teach me through your amazing example that it is possible to love an offbeat son unconditionally. If there was a “World's Greatest Mother” Award that my imaginary non-profit foundation gave out, you would have it, hands down. In all the trials that I go through, I now know that I can depend on you for anything. Which is why I feel that this is the best time to ask you an important question. May I have some money?

Life on the farm has been quiet. I've made friends with the cows, mended some fences, chased enemy cows out of our property, forgotten to bathe, (therefore I) lived like a hobo as I of course refined my highly sought after talents and skills with the Xbox. I gather that if I spend at least a few hours a day on it, I can be the gamer that other gamers speak of in legends. People will say, “Wow, He's really good!”; “He sure has a lot of gamer points!”; “He's using game-genie!”;“That ReprovedRapier guy really doesn't have a life does he?”

Marching Band, Anyone? -- The Solution to Many of the World's Sicknesses

Who are we? What can we do to change perceptions about us and people like us?

I believe that those things that matter most are how we treat each other, teach each other, and help each other to choose. And for that reason, I choose to support two things: fighting for the right to make more powerful choices, and working to help people make the most out of each and every choice that they make. I also realize that a lot of the time, that means marching to the beat of a different drum.

Buddha And Jesus Are Homeboys

Have you ever wondered how things could be if you had taken a different path? Like for instance, where you would be if you went to a different school, or lived in a different neighborhood, or had a different socio-economic status? How different would things be if you were more outgoing and confident in your ability? What if you never had come in contact with your best friends?

As I sit here reflecting, I think of the strange path that my life has taken, with some events that are so incredibly unique to me, and others that tie me irrevocably to the other people around me. What would have happened if I actually made my high school basketball team's first string? Would I have still been the geek that I am today? Would I still be, almost nightly, watching every single episode, right after another, of the TV show called "Heroes?" Maybe, perhaps, "Heroes" would not interest me. Maybe "Magic: The Gathering" would wrinkle my nose instead of tingle my senses. Maybe my room would be 15 degrees cooler, because my Xbox and TV would be off most of the time.

I've had some interesting things happen in my life, from being heralded as a genius in grade school, to flunking out of college, to running for political office, to being hit by a fire & rescue truck, to falling asleep on the highway, to this blog.

I've had 12 different vehicles, 5 cats, 4 dogs, 3 different types of teeth, 2 blogs, and a religion that most people [affectionately] name after the book they study.

Announcement: "Dropped Off The Grid"

So I've been away from the internet for a few weeks. I posted a message on my facebook and twitter some 3-4 weeks ago that I was "dropping off the grid" and that I would follow the path of the man that was reported in the Onion newspaper (America's Finest News Source) to do the same thing. I have since forgotten (read: been to lazy) to update my blog to let you know that I was doing as such.

And since now, I am back and blogging again, such an announcement at this point is unnecessary.

I have several posts that I have been working on coming soon: some of them humor related and some not so humor related. I'm curious to see your reactions.

Anywho, I must get back to getting ready for Steak dinner with the girlfriend and the Missionaries. I have an empty stomach that I would like to share with that steak. That delicious, delicious steak....

See me for who I am,
not just who I ought to be.

See me for who I am,
show all things that I don't want to see to me.

See me for who I am,
show me what I need to be free.

LDS Church issues new strongly-worded statement on immigration - ksl.com

FULL ARTICLE HERE
OFFICIAL STATEMENT HERE


The church just released an official statement on illegal immigration yesterday which included the words:
   "Most Americans agree that the federal government of the United States should secure its borders and sharply reduce or eliminate the flow of undocumented immigrants. Unchecked and unregulated, such a flow may destabilize society and ultimately become unsustainable.
   "As a matter of policy, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints discourages its members from entering any country without legal documentation, and from deliberately overstaying legal travel visas."

Salt Lake City Temple

And also this (which I believe to be the most significant statement):
   "What to do with the estimated 12 million undocumented immigrants now residing in various states within the United States is the biggest challenge in the immigration debate. The bedrock moral issue for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is how we treat each other as children of God."

Resurrection Hymn | Nathan Howe Music

Check this guy Nathan Howe out. He has composed a beautiful and original easter song, and even has the song sheetwork for download here.



Nathan Howe is probably one of the most talented LDS composers/artists out there. This should be ample proof of that. haha

I seriously want to learn this song, and sing it someday. This puts me in a very thoughtful mood.

Libertarianism In a Nutshell (a really small one)

"If we wish to preserve a free society, it is essential that we recognize that the desirability of a particular object is not sufficient justification for the use of coercion." ~Friedrich Hayek

So lately, people who know me have been asking if I could explain for them libertarianism. I feel flattered that people would come to me (of all people) for reliable information on the subject.

Since libertarianism is a philosophy for government, it has a different understanding depending on who you ask. Even for me, although I call myself a libertarian, there are many peers who can easily disagree with my personal views. For that reason, I will keep it as simple as possible here in this blog post, at least until I can find the time and courage to compose a full treatise that outlines my libertarian philosophy.

First, let's start with a clip from Parks and Recreation:



The above video makes me happy. I love it, it's so simple that a child can understand it. haha

A while back, The Washington Post with MENSA National asked readers to take any word from the dictionary and alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter and supply a new definition. Here is one of the past winners:

My Life Philosophy & My View On Unions

My philosophy on abundance, individualism, libertarianism, business & leadership.

By Diego Lucero  -- May 2, 2011

"Out of abundance He took abundance and still abundance remained" - The Upanishads.

John Locke once postulated that the mind is like a "blank slate" or "tabula rasa".  

   If I can just say first, as sort of a preface, I undoubtedly believe that all men are inherently good, even if the rest of the world tries it's darndest to have us choose evil.  The people that I know in my life are all perfect examples of that. Despite differing views, and strong opinions, we can find avenues for common ground, and reasons to agree. The very approach that good people take to finding truth through debate and friendly argument is the very fabric of a civilized, productive and innovative society.  We must remember the words of the wise Eleanor Roosevelt:  "Average minds discuss events.  Great minds discuss ideas."

   I am a Friedman/Rand/Hayek libertarian.  I have some different views on a variety of topics, and I really felt compelled to share my ideology and philosophy with you all.  I understand that these views expressed here are not shared by most people, and I must say that it is not my intention to offend or point fingers.  I just wish to share my philosophy for life, business, and my view of a productive government in the hope that with this small blurb, I could be of help to someone somewhere.  May we all come together in peace and understanding in discussion.

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Here it goes, my personal take on Individualism first:

"Out of abundance He took abundance and still abundance remained" - The Upanishads.

   Abundance is a principle for the ages.  It may be the most repeated, recounted and rewritten concept in the history of man. Out of it springs selflessness, love, service and industry.  Without it, there is no good that is done; nations fall.  With it, there is no end to good; economies thrive.  Oh how much the world needs individuals that live abundant lives!!

   Definition of 'individual', via Wikipedia: "[1]As commonly used, an individual is a person or any specific object in a collection. [2]In the 15th century and earlier, and also today within the fields of statistics and metaphysics, individual means "indivisible", typically describing any numerically singular thing, but sometimes meaning "a person." [3]From the seventeenth century on, individual indicates separateness, as in individualism. [4]Individuality is the state or quality of being an individual; a person separate from other persons and possessing his or her own needs, goals, and desires."

   Individualism is the natural extension of the belief in human capacity for selflessness (capacity for abundance).  Individualism is a tenet of moral code--respecting other's beliefs, origins, ideas, no matter how much you may disagree.  As a matter of fact, Individualism goes even further than that.  It can be said that it is the building up of others around you, the strengthening of all that come into your contact.  It's power is in the strength of individual cause.

Is it "baaaaad" to stick out?

   Ultimately, selflessness cannot be taught or forced on a population--it must be learned and practiced out of free will. Individualism perpetuates the belief that if you strengthen the individual, you will strengthen the collective ("collective" used loosely.)  I believe that the human spirit is naturally strong and idealistic. That being said, I also believe that no manner of laws or enforced opinion could convert a society towards any ideal... And it is my firm belief that laws can change nothing--except for who is in jail, and who is not.

   Individualism as a philosophy, empowers the individual, without impairing the empowerment of other individuals.  It allows for voluntary choices with all people, in all walks of life and society becomes a social contract between rational individuals.  This ideology is inclusive, and it includes union workers, managers, owners, neighbors, etc. 

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“government only needs to ensure that no one is harmful to anyone else.”  ~ Former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson

   I see Libertarianism as the expression of abundance and individualism in a rational society.

The REAL solution to the world's problems.

  Libertarians are not anarchists.  Libertarians (or 'minarchists') believe in very limited government--*especially* on the larger scales (ie federal & supranational).  The parts of government that most Libertarians  see the need for is a local government that upholds the law, and protects it's constituents from evil (as is seen in a well-managed police force). Libertarians believe strongly in the ideas and notions set forth by our founding documents, especially the constitution as it was ratified in 1790.  

   Libertarians believe largely in non-interventionism, for both domestic policy and foreign policy. That means no wars to next to no wars, and as few legal constraints as could be allowed in good conscience at the federal and supranational levels. Because libertarians tend to believe that governments are unreliable, and that the best solutions always come organically from the people in their respective realms of comfort, the ideal libertarian society would be one where the community, then the city, then the county and state governments would be the "largest" and most influential of the governments (in that order--from most to least).  

   De-centralizing government authority does two things:  It protects against potential authoritarian power over a given region (Think Hitler, Mussolini, Mao), and it empowers the families and the individuals to direct the economy/society through their neighborhoods and cities according to the ideals of their local "collective of individuals".  (The latter idea is quite regularly attributed to being a classical socialist concept.)  This way, the governments that are closest to peoples homes could better support the families in their culturally empowered ideological pursuits towards success, prosperity and happiness.

   Libertarians are anti-monopoly for almost all ideas. They believe that an open and wide playing field for all rational businesses, organizations and individuals is key to a strong society. You will usually find Libertarians opposing the creation of, or sustaining of monopolies to encourage fair competition in the marketplace and to defend the right that all individuals are free to choose.  This means that they oppose government monopoly (any monopoly that is outside the monopoly of force as is expressed in a well-managed police force), and also oppose all forms of corporate or business subsidy, since subsidy would provide unfair advantage to one company over others in a market.

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   As for my opinion on whether or not Unions can be called an individualist "right"--even though they are freely called a "collective bargaining" tool--is definitely no.  But I do believe that Unions CAN support individualist ideals.  However, history has shown that many Unions tend to give more and more to the members of the union at the expense of the expense of others involved (non-union members, business owners, and even at the expense of consumers.)  

   The common view of the need for Unions is that workers need to be "protected" from the greedy owners, managers, and stockholders that only care about profit margins and stock options.  The view is that the owners not only do not care about the workers that produce the product that the company sells, but that if they did, it would only be because they had to.

   I fundamentally disagree with that view.  I am an entrepreneur, and I know that if I were to produce a product or service, that I would need to take care of my employees to ensure that my company provides the highest quality work that we can provide for our loyal customers. 

   The true power of business and economy is in the individual, not the collective.  Let me illustrate a little bit over the next few paragraphs:

   Without loyal employees, I would have high turnover, and heightened expenses towards new hire training, lowered quality, which leads to a disloyal customer base (if I have a customer base at all).  With disloyal employees, I would have a next to non-existent profit margin (if I am lucky enough to escape bankruptcy, that is), and the stockholders would be very very unhappy with me.  

   If I were to lead a business without taking as good care of my employees as I can afford, I run the risk of bankruptcy.  I must, therefore, take good care of all individuals in my employ.

   I know that if I invest resources in my people generously, they may invest in me generously as well.  I truly believe that the true power of business and economy is in the collective of individuals, not the "individualist collective" of Unions. 

   When it comes down to it, goodness always comes from the greater good as it is expressed from the individual, because there is no collective in this world that can create a desire for good within another without first going through the individuals ability to choose for themselves. 

As Stephen R. Covey quotes so often:

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.   (Viktor E. Frankl)

   We, as leaders, must (READ: need to) empower individuals to make good choices in their lives--for good choices ripple goodness to the rest of the world.  Good choices lead to strong society and people.  It is my belief, that with good choice, comes the cornucopia of blessings, many of which we do not yet understand. 

   And it is for this reason that I believe that the strongest form of government is a government that empowers all indivuals to make powerful choices without intervention.

   May we all see the value in unlimited potential and worth in others, regardless of race, religion, nationality or gender. May we build upon the principles of morality with each other, giving people the tools they need through our actions and words, while also empowering people with the room to grow and improve in all walks of life.   

   Such is my own personal philosophy, my ideas, and my thoughts on a few select, and normally contentious subjects that are in the public eye.  Please do not regard this note as representative of the views of all libertarians, mormons, or religions.

You Know You're Broke When...

1. A good part of your daily agenda is to seek out the closest person to borrow money from.

2. You make your dates pay.

3. Your idea of a date is a dollar movie, dollar menu, but she pays and has to pick you up.

4. You look forward to ramen for dinner.

5. Your wife has to get a second job to support your video game habit.

6. A stomach growl means that you are saving money.

7. You pride yourself in have 100 dollars in your wallet.

8. Your car shakes so much when it drives that it puts you sleep.

9. You roll up foil so you can get better radio reception.

10. You agree to go dutch, but then "leave your wallet at home".

11. You know how to survive a month on $20 dollars.

The Joplin Tornado Hits Home

A few days ago, I received a text from a very good friend that told me that the house that she was in got hit by a tornado.

I was appalled. She said that it leveled the whole town--the house that she was in had no roof or walls when they came out of the basement.  In the 35 minute long tornado pass, they lost a hospital and a bunch of homes, and at least 117 people died. :(   The National Guard came in immediately to help clean up.

I can't imagine what it is like to be involved in a natural disaster.  NM weather is so mild in its weather.

One thing that I really appreciated was the fact that she was able to continue to stay positive despite the mess around her.  Her texts were filled with smiley faces and glaringly positive statements like "everything is ok, so everything else doesn't matter!!"

The family that she was staying with will stay with her family in her house (which was almost untouched by the t-5 beast) until they can figure out where the home insurance comes in to help.

Apocalypse Not

Hello?  Hello?

Anybody out there?

As I stare at this computer screen, I glance to the corner and I see the time: 10:59 pm MST.  It appears that I survived the rapture.  However, it has yet to be seen if I was just one of the people that was left behind, or if I am dreaming.

Twitter is still lively: @GarryShandling is still cracking jokes, @KevinHart4Real has been retweeting responses to his apparently successful comedy show tonight, and Mr. @mcgoogles just asked @SarahKSilverman what she smelled like, citing that he and his friend were "doing research".

All seems to be ok in twitterland.  Tho, I do not see any more jokes about the rapture... maybe people are more somber now that their family has turned missing?  Or maybe no one really cares?

Let's check the news.  Here are a few articles at the top of the google search for the word "rapture":

All About the Rapture

So this #Rapture hastag is trending here on twitter and facebook.  I want to to ask the question to all of you out there who are reading my blogs (all 2 of you):  What is are your plans for the end of the world this coming saturday, May 11, 2011?  Praying? Repentance? Bible-studying? Partying? Looting? Pranking?

Have you drank the kool-aid yet?  Have you gotten your nikes all shined up and ready for the end?  Have you organized your animals to be watched while you are in gone rapturing? Have you chosen what your gonna wear for Jesus yet?

If your not familiar with this story, it's been all over the social network sites.  Lemme post a few links for you:


1) How to make an easy cool $80 million bucks? Make up a date for the #Rapture and people will give you their money! http://goo.gl/ERc3v
2) the most awesome Craigslist post for a #rapture deal ...http://bit.ly/j9SQvx
3) Zombie Apocalypse Post Crashes CDC Web Site: A zombie apocalypse prevention guide ... http://bit.ly/jO8DT5
4) The official tract from the crazies that posted this stuff ... http://on.fb.me/kFUypr
5) one of the news stories published over the last week -- Apocalypse Soon: Christian Sect Says May 21st. ... http://bit.ly/kQPC7l

One of the funniest things that I have heard is that there are actually groups of Believers that are getting together money to find people to watch after their animals while they are gone in the Rapture.  Only thing they require to help is that you are an athiest.

Here are some popular tweets trending over the past five minutes (some of them are particularly hilarious)...